notten this life.

Here are some of the many reasons why I dislike the F book (or Facebook as the layman calls it):

1. My friend’s mother has a Facebook account.
2. I can literally only communicate with some people via the F book because I have no idea what their other contact information would be.
3. It’s a reason for slutty pictures to “accidentally” get out.
4. People can make fake accounts with names like “Vanilla Ice” and “Chuck Norris” (even though there probably is someone out there who’s name is Chuck Norris…and he’s high five-ing himself all the TIME!)
5. You can give super weird digital “gifts” that cost actual money

Here are some reasons I like the F book…oh wait, there aren’t any. Ok, I know I have an account and yeah I do check it when someone writes on my wall and so what if you can make cool party invitations on there. 99% of the time I get really irritated by it but there’s that 1% of the time I do participate. Kinda like how I feel about 3D video games like Halo. But that’s for another blog.

Courtesy of my model roommate JJ:

“I wore a new pair of shoes today and I realized how great a simple pair of shoes can make you feel. There’s just something about sliding my two oversized hushpuppies into the firm warm leather of new Skechers footwear. I think new shoes make you feel different than any other new addition to your accoutrement covered façade. Shoes are like an ego-boosting entourage to your feet—two friends who cheer you on the same way drunken frat boys push their roommate to talk to the pretty girl sitting at the bar who clearly has no interest in meeting anyone that night. When you wear a new pair of trousers or a new shirt or even a new jacket it feels nice, but moving or sitting, they feel the same. But shoes, shoes were made for walking…and doing. You’re compelled, better yet propelled, to take on the day like a vestment draped shark-man taking on a sushi bar. There is a bold yet subtle sense of balance and purpose and a brassy exuberance and that feeling makes a person whole.”

I bet you’re asking yourself, “what in the world does notten mean by BESCUMBER”. Well, I’ll tell you. It means to spray with poop. Want to know how I found that out? By checking in on a little post entitled Ten Insulting Words You Should Know found on neatorama.com. Another fun phrase you may want to try out is “Don’t leave tater tots in the oven overnight you ninnyhammer!” So ninnyhammer means a fool, right? Awesome. Good guide to insults. Plus the pictures are amazing.

Do you want warmth AND privacy while using your laptop? Maybe. But do you want THIS:

Yeah, I’m pretty sure you definitely DO NOT. Thanks to www.geekologie.com for this incredibly disturbing photo and article which can be linked to here.

Here are some comments I got from friends when I forwarded the link that I got from my model roommate.

“I’m scared.”

“Christmas is gonna be a breeze this year.”

“I’m getting one, then nobody can see what I’m blogging…except on my blog, obviously.”

Good luck ‘Body-Technology Interfaces’

This past weekend the buds and I went to the Tulip Festival in beautiful Mt. Vernon, WA. Kira arranged the whole caravan, which I had been wanting to do for a few years but just never got the gusto to do. So Kira, Paul, Pat, Nutting, Jess and I got some coffee, got into two cars and made our way up north where the open fields of tulips awaited our arrival. Needless to say, I was excited. We entered the first tulip farm that we passed because we were so excited and by doing that, we entered Tulip Town. Bad news is that it cost $5 to get in and all they took was cash (What the hell? There’s like a huge amount of people that go to this stuff, shouldn’t they be prepared for multiple forms of payment?) Thanks for the loan Pat.

So we got in there and it was super cheesy. Like there was a mini statue of liberty. Once you got out into the tulip rows though…sue-wee it was gorgeous. The whole area was so brightly colored and it was like a huge rainbow cascading across the landscape (I’m a poet I know). So we walked around the whole perimeter and took a ridiculous amount of pictures, even pictures of us taking pictures. Once we departed, we decided to try the brewery in Mt. Vernon for lunch and it was great! I was really hoping to get some homemade ice cream in the country town but we had to settle for TCBY in Lynnwood. Blah. We did get directed to the Dairy Queen twice by the “locals”.

I would say that it was a great trip for all of us to go enjoy together…the tulips themselves were amazing but the Tulip Town I could have done without. Everyone could have done without that. The festival goes until next weekend if you get a chance to go!

Thanks Sydney Morning Herald!

I had lowish expectations for the most current Apatow movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall but those were completely BLOWN AWAY by how awesome the movie was! Plus there was full frontal male nudity. What I didn’t realize was that it was written by the lead character Jason Segel who I LOVE (he’s the one from How I Met Your Mother and Freaks and Geeks). I think the story line was something that everyone can easily follow and sympathize with but obviously never gets too serious. My model friend JJ said that it “touched him” but that’s because it made him want to be in a relationship…which is a pretty big deal because he shuns relationships, so I guess the movie is that good.

I was impressed with the cast, but most of all I enjoyed the vampire puppet musical. And with that I leave you to go see the movie.

“I need to B my L on someone’s T’s.”

Kira, this post is for you:

STUDY SHOWS BEAR SPRAY EFFECTIVE!

“The study says bear spray is effective 98 percent of the time.”

Apparently Ashlee Simpson went ahead with the crowd and got herself knocked up by Pete Wentz. Nice “engagement” story you guys told the media a few days back…how about you go ahead and tell them something new? That you got pregnant and had to get engaged to make it look like it wasn’t a mistake? I love The Superficial (many of you know this) and I especially love how he HATES Pete Wentz. The Sun reports:

Pete recently posted a blog online announcing the couples’ plans to make something that cannot be illegally downloaded, hinting at a baby. In the bizarre video message, Ashlee and Pete, who have dated since last summer, also reveal that the “release date” is July 2008, before Ashlee poses with a cushion stuffed under her top.

I don’t believe this story, not because it’s from the Sun but because Ashlee can’t be due in July. Unless she is giving birth to a couch cushion of course. That’s major bump hiding and I don’t believe it. But she’s still probably sperminated.

photo courtesy of my man at The Superficial

People, these are a hit. They seriously take about 20 min to make AND bake and are a total hit. A HIT! Ok, enough. But honestly if you need to bring something in for a potluck or you want a super easy baking session with small children (or maybe just for yourself if you always seem to burn whatever you are baking - it’s OK, it happens alllll the time) then use this recipe. I’m thinking of replacing the jam with chocolate or peanut butter…

BUTTER AND JAM THUMBPRINT COOKIES

1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon fine salt
3/4 cup unsalted butter (1 1/2 sticks), softened
2/3 cup sugar, plus more for rolling
1 large egg
1/2 vanilla bean, seeds scraped from pod, or 1/8 teaspoon vanilla bean paste or 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1/3 cup raspberry, cherry or strawberry jam

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Line 2 baking sheets with parchment paper or silicone mats.Whisk the flour, baking powder and salt together in a bowl.

In another bowl, whip the butter and the sugar with a hand-held mixer until fluffy, about 5 minutes. Beat in the egg and vanilla until just combined. Slowly beat in the dry ingredients in 2 additions, mixing just until incorporated.

Scoop the dough into 1-inch balls with a cookie or ice cream scoop and roll in sugar. Place about 2-inches apart on the prepared baking sheets. Press a thumbprint into the center of each ball, about 1/2-inch deep. Fill each indentation with about 3/4 teaspoon jam.

Bake cookies until the edges are golden, about 15 minutes. (For even color, rotate the pans from top to bottom about halfway through baking.) Cool cookies on the baking sheets. Then get this:

So I just came across this video of Will Ferrell as Bush and it’s always just nice to see Bush getting made fun of. I’m pretty sure this is from last night’s “Night of Too Many Stars” with Jon Stewart. Plus, the video came from funnyordie.com and I have had some laughs there. So perhaps you will too. I mean, if Bush’s memoirs are a work of fiction on TAPE, sign me UP.